Chapter 22-Family love

She sat in a hospital bed with a heavy mask on her face, blowing air into her airway. She' d never wound up going into true distress and the docs contributed her respiratory symptoms to anxiety and fear. Her oxygen level never dropped below 95% and she didn't have the signs that would lead them to believe she was respiratory compromised. A sedative helped the matter. She allowed the team to stabilize her and apply the mask oxygen to ensure ease of beathing. 

Where did Jayson go? She understood Jay's panic and fear, but being left with the love of her life only to have him skedaddle made her nervous. The healthcare team had put him out, of course. They ran numerous tests once she had transferred, and all gave hope for a positive resolution for this disaster of a night. The voices in her head had silenced once she had been revived. Jay kept her heart beating and her lungs full of air. He'd been strong and calm in the midst of chaos and he commanded the team like their lives depended on it. Their lives did depend on it. Thankfully he was there, strong and knowledgeable, calm and cool and collected till the EMS crews arrived and took over. She'd been in and out of consciousness when the distress calls were made, 'man down' had gone out over the airwaves. The determination had been made that the team was in need of EMS for injury unrelated to the dead that lay exterminated around them. 2 team members were in trouble and had been stabilized till crews arrived and swept them off in rescue vehicles. 

She put on her call light, asked for someone. Anyone. 

The full picture of her injury had yet to be determined, pending test results. She had numerous phone calls asking her status and she couldn't answer. She needed peace, quiet, and someone to sit next to her to make sense of it all. Between tests and scans and consults, she sat alone with her mask on and breathed. Her left leg had zero movement, but she felt a static radiating from her left lower back to her foot. The tips of her toes on both feet had wounds. She had burns down both her legs, the left worse than the right. She sat in pain, dosed when time was due with IV dilaudid. The narcotic in addition to the sedative had her head swimming. She was relaxed yet loopy. Regardless, she was grateful for the meds, the attention, the care. She tried like hell to remember staff names to give them all proper credit. 

Jay was permitted, in the middle of the night, once the tests were done, to sit bedside. He looked solemn and remained quiet, pensive in his chair. She had a gut feeling he didn't want to sit next to her, but he had to due to the legalities of their relationship. They were married in the eyes of the law, so her husband got to sit next to her and make calls and update everyone. 

"Where's Chess?" She asked high on meds. 

He didn't answer. Chess had gone home with his fiancée and his baby with one on the way. Jay reminded her Chess had no responsibility to her other than friendship now. Ok. Reminded, she felt alone despite her company. Hospital staff found her a monitored bed in a private room. Being the Zombie Goddess had its perks, and she lay monitored, assessed and cared for in a private hospital room in Lancaster, Pa. The staff maintained a professional manner and were impeccable with their care. She'd been bound and wrapped and tested and all the results would be discussed with her, her husband, family, her bosses, and the news media in the morning. She longed for sleep that never came. Working nights, she was well rested and having been momentarily dead, then revived, she was admittedly kind of scared to go to sleep. Jay stayed at her side and any need she had he tended to. If he could not, then he sought the staff. As the sun rose, breaking thru the clouds, streaking pinks and orange hues onto the morning landscape, she and Jay took a quiet moment to assess her with Tavin on the phone. Head to toe, Tavin got a picture of what they all were dealing with. 

Eyesight had been blurry but resolved overnight. Glasses in place she could see without difficulty and attested to that. She would need a new pair of glasses for work. Her special glasses had been fractured beyond repair by the blast. She felt self-conscious about wearing glasses, but thanked God above she hadn't been wearing contact lenses that could have been melted onto her eyeballs. 

Hearing, her sense was diminished. The need to raise a voice or speak directly into her ears was evident. Her ear drums had possibly burst, but she would heal. They'd reassess in the morning and in the future. In the meantime, she would use written communication or hand signals or point to her needs on a visual chart. 

She could move her arms freely and without deficit. Unlike her legs, she had full use and sensation. Fingertip to shoulder, no deficit. She attested to that. 

Mid back on the left side, her burn was covered with Silvadene cream and a dressing. She had overheard the docs stating the burn was minimal and should respond well to the cream and treatment applied. Her back didn't hurt and she felt no burn sensation. 

Superficially, she had second to third degree burns on her lower extremities. Significantly worse on the left as opposed to the right. Both extremities had been assessed and treated by medical personnel, and she was receiving IV antibiotics to prevent infection. Discussion about grafting would take place when the medical team reassessed on morning rounds. For now, she lay wrapped and with minimal oozing on the treatments in place, which gave her hope and a positive discussion on rounds in the morning. 

Her primary physical deficit was that of her left leg. She had no sensation other than numbness, static. Minimal voluntary movement. The right was fully functional. She was, according to the overnight nurse, scheduled first thing, for a CT and an MRI. For now, her breathing and circulation, what would be of utmost importance, was in good shape. She wore a cardiac monitor for detection of arrythmias, and if observed, would be addressed as they arose. 

Her toes, the tips were blasted off when the lightening passed thru her body and exited. That didn't sound really pretty, but the wounds seemed superficial to the trauma team assessing her. At the moment, both feet were wrapped, treated and covered. The blast wounds were more significant on the left as opposed to the right. Her burns were painful, hence the dilaudid. Originally her order called for every 8 hours as needed, but was increased to every 6 hours as needed, then every 4 hours as needed. An order for every 2 hours as needed was written for the overnight hours till morning arrived when they could further assess her needs and pain. As she healed, eventually, the need for narcotic management would decrease. 

Internally, they were not privy to test results. They knew that she had no blood clots in any extremity. They knew her lungs would be further assessed as the days wore on. They knew she didn't need intubation. The healthcare team had scanned the body parts that would need scanning and assessing, including her brain. She had a couple small hemorrhages in her brain that would need monitoring and rescanning in the coming days. But to place drains or intervene right now was unnecessary. 

The knife her trainee had held in his hand sparked this trauma. It leapt off him and onto her. She suffered the worse injury and had died as a result of it. Her sisters were ejected from her thru an electrical shock. She was alone in her head for the first time in a very long time. 

"Jayson, my dad can take over from here, if you don't want to. If it's too hard for you. I completely understand."

"I love you, too, Julia. You're my friend. I can handle this. We can." Jayson had argued. Jayson had taken care of Julia over the course of time and space and felt equipped to do so again and again. If anyone should, then it should be him. He felt strongly about that. 

But he felt alone and sad too. He had lost his girl, his woman, his wife all over again. They all had. Even though they rallied around her, wished her well, prayed for her healing and strength, they all quietly mourned Julia Morgan. Julia Fry did as well. She had learned from her, cohabitated in a hive-mind with not only her but the renowned Julia that preceded them both in the future. She had a wealth of knowledge and experience from the two that she was grateful for. She mourned the fact that she was not done learning. They had intricate parts of their personalities to impart on Julia Fry and she was not done learning in any capacity. How was she supposed to recover without them? How was their absence going to affect her in her growth from that point on? She felt terrified.  She felt less than. How would she fit into this family without one or both? Had she made a mistake informing them that the Julias were gone? 

The RN in her care dosed her with another round of IV narcotic. 

She drifted off to La-La land. She heard Jay requesting a Xanax for her.  

She awoke after her scans were completed with the medical team around her. Jay stood at bedside. All she had heard was the team saying, give it time. Until time came, she'd need round the clock care. Who? What? How? She drifted off to sleep. 

48 hours later she muttered the words, 'no more narcs or sedatives'. Two days had been a blur to her. Two days someone else had been in charge of her medical care. Who had spoken for her? Jayson. Who had remained at her bedside? Jayson. Who made it overtly clear that he could manage her care and life as it transpired? Jayson. She had decided enough. She could manage. She felt overmedicated. She put a stop to it. She took control. If she had learned anything from either sister, it was to stand figuratively on her own 2 feet. 

While Jay had slept at home in the care of Shy, she sobered from her narc, benzo cloud. She spoke for herself. She learned her own medical prognosis and she chose to have the hospital social worker reach out to rehab facilities that would make her whole again. She did not know that that her guys had chosen to take care of their own and make her recovery and rehab part of their lives, too. She was unaware that her future wellbeing had been made part of their day, their week, their lives. Having been unconscious made her vulnerable and subject to their decisions. She was again terrified. 

She roused and called the only person she trusted in the world not to lie to her. She called Chess Morgan. He advised her to trust Jayson. Call Jayson. She needn't call Jayson because he called her first. She wondered if Chess reached out to him, but he hadn't. The social worker called and informed him of the reservations Julia had about returning home in her present condition as well as her wishes regarding placement in a rehab facility. 

"We talked about the options, Julia." 

"Who did? You and who else? You didn't discuss the plan with me."

"Yes, I did. The social worker, the doctor, the physical therapist and us, we sat in your hospital room at lunch time and put the plan in place. We googled the rehab facilities and they're all old folks homes. The reviews were terrible, except that one place. They went through the home health options and the outpatient therapy schedule. You were there and you had input, so to say to me that I'm randomly forcing you to do something is unfair. I wouldn't do that to you. None of us would." 

"Where are you today anyway, Jayson?"

"Work, Julia. I went back to work. I'm not injured." He paused. "You really don't remember having that conversation yesterday afternoon?" 

She started quietly crying, "No, Jay. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. I gotta go. I'll be by after work." 

Within 5 minutes, her nurse was at her bedside, drawing labs and doing neurological assessments. The hospitalist was on his way to the unit to assess her as well. Another brain scan later, minimal changes and improvement in regard to the infarct areas. When Jay arrived after work, the doc dropped in to discuss the concerns Jay had presented regarding Julia's lethargy over the last 48 hours, specifically the lapse in memory. Doc said she was healing, gaps in memory could be expected. All narcotic and anxiety medications were officially discontinued. She had been seen again by neurology and had new orders for Neurontin for her nerve pain and tramadol, a nonnarcotic pain medicine. No sooner had the doctor and neurologist left the room that psych had entered. She'd been consulted due to the traumatic event. Every time the psychiatrist attempted to see her, she'd been otherwise occupied. The psychiatrist spent nearly an hour in the room with her and Jayson. She talked clearly and positively about her accident and injury. She felt nervous about therapy and regaining the use of her left leg. She'd been through a couple therapy sessions at bedside and felt that she should have more movement and sensation 72 hours later. When she brought up her fears about going home that surprised Jayson. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone.  She didn't want them to feel obligated to her. Jay took her hand and covered it with his. 

"Don't tell me to be quiet."

"I didn't, Julia." He looked sideways at her, surprised by her statement. The psychiatrist observed that she pulled her hand away. 

"Julia, do you feel you'll be in a safe environment at home?" 

"Of course, yes." She replied quickly. "I'm not scared of anyone or anything there." 

"Your body language says otherwise." Jay mumbled, setting his hand on her bed. At that moment, she glanced at his wedding band. She glanced at her wedding ring. Their initials tattooed on their fingers. 

"Well, when you covered my hand, it's what I thought you meant." She whispered. An awkward silence fell between them. "Plus, I'm a little nervous about intimacy in my current condition." She blurted out. It's all she could think of to excuse the slight behavior. Until she was reminded, she forgot they were married. Jay hadn't attempted to touch her, hold her, caress her, or hand hold. 

"Getting ahead of yourself there, Julia." Jay smiled, letting her fold her hand over his. Her sweaty, hot little palm rested against the back of his hand. 

"Mr Keller, it's a concern that is valid." The psychiatrist offered, drumming her pen on the tablet in front of her. 

They sat through an awkward discussion about intimacy and how to approach the subject honestly and openly as a couple. The psychiatrist closed out her conversation by reinforcing communication. She left them a card and advised they could set up office visits for any future concerns. 

"Communication." Jay repeated to her. "Open, honest communication."

"Open and honest." She whispered into the space around them.

"I love you, too. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you get better. Like I would for her, Julia. I honestly fell in love with your little ass once and I thought of you as a great friend and equal on the flipside. You are not alone in this. If you want to go to a physical rehab, then go. I can support you there as well. We all will." Jay said, squeezing her little hand in his. 

The fact they had all discussed her future among them and her current health dilemma warmed her heart. The loss of their matriarch no matter how fucked up was put on the back burner as the current Julia recovered. Jay stood from his chair, left her little hand go. 

"I'll let you know by morning, Jay. Thanks for thinking of me." She mumbled. 

He kissed her forehead. "My Julia. If you only knew how much your family loves you."