Julia sat aside him at the burn and her eyes were pleading. He lit a cigarette and handed it off to her.
"Want something, just ask." He watched her fingers hold the cigarette out the sleeve of her hoodie. It must have been 90 in the shade and she was covered in her hoodie and pants. Next to the burn it was even hotter. How she could stand the heat was a mystery to him. He was determined to sit next to this fire till it burned out. They'd sat in silence for a long time. Long since Jody drove away. Each lost in their own thoughts. Both sat in a state of shock and neither spoke about it. Both wondered where they would go from there.
"We have to tell them the truth." He said quietly, closing his eyes. The possibility of a slip up on his or her or Jody's part was too great. The risk was too great and then more problems would eventually come to haunt them. More hard feelings and more tension. "I feel as though the truth is best. I burned a girl who had no true family. It was my job to take care of her while she was with me and I made that my job for the better part of a year, Julia. She was alone in this world."
"You did take care of her. You could not protect her from this. No one could."
"An accident."
"I have no idea what this is called. Had I known this would happen I would have waited."
She saw him crying and she ached for him. The girl made him smile on the inside, he'd said. He was happy with her, he'd said. "I'm glad that you were happy with her, Chess. I am happy that she could do that for you."
"You have no idea what she did for me." He laughed through his tears. "I was so lost with her. She didn't know what she was doing and she didn't really shine till she went out with Jayson." He laughed. "The fucking people. I don't even like people." He stopped laughing. "But I loved her. I let her do what she pleased, she was gonna do it anyway." He quieted a few minutes, letting the tears flow and she watched him cry, let him cry because he felt comfortable doing that with so few people. "I was scared when she disappeared. I remember I couldn't find her, because I fucking looked for her and Jay. Tavin disappeared. Jody never came back from running off to you. It was like I was all alone for the first time in a long time."
"I was with them."
"You pulled us all into those dreams, Jules."
"She did. She was scared to be left alone. She told me she couldn't do it alone and we were all going to leave her."
"We would not have left her."
"When it started, she didn't know that. She didn't trust any of us. My use linked us all together. Like Philly. When the time lines overlapped, we all got thrown out and back to reality. She was stuck in a different reality till they all overlapped again. I stopped using, so the dreams stopped. That's my theory. I could be wrong."
"She said you're in love with Jo."
"The universe intervened."
"Would you rather be with Jody? Or go back to Jay? There's always me."
She smiled. "You replaced the love of your life with the love of your life only to replace her with the love of your life."
She noted a smile from him. The friendly warm smile she loved from him. "I could say the same of you."
"You'd get so tired of me."
"I could say the same. I know how to treat a girl, Julia."
"Yes, Sir. Of course, Sir."
"Please do not fuck with me. I am in no mood."
"I wasn't." She replied, looking down at her hands. "If it sounded like I was, it was not purposeful."
"Can you make us something to eat? Before the world ends and you can't do it anymore."
"Sure. I'll see what Jo brought." She hopped up and pulled the hoodie over head. She tied it around her waist. "I will say, her body feels just delightful. Mine was kind of abused. She's all tight and fit."
She walked off with a pep in her step and Chess tilted his head back and watched her walk away.
Tight and fit...he mused. Julia Fry treated her body right, ate well. No drugs and alcohol helped her stay healthy too. Julia hadn't destroyed her body over the course of the last few years.
She returned to the grill and lit the charcoal. She had everything set out next to her. "Hey, can I cut my hair?"
"No." He answered. "Absolutely not." He continued adamantly. "I'll braid it for you, if you want."
"But the zombies grab it."
He rolled his eyes at the sky as he rolled onto his stomach and he watched her cook for them. He watched her body move, the way she twisted and turned and swished her hair back over her shoulder. The scar remained very visible on her left shoulder blade and for a moment, she was there. "Hey, Mister, quit staring at me." She glanced over her shoulder. Something in the way she said it, a slight shift of her arms or upper body reminiscent of her. He shook it off.
"I'm allowed to stare." He reminded her. He watched as she wrapped the meat in tin foil and then the veggies inside along with them. He was surprised she did that. Julia usually wasn't much of a griller. He thought she'd cook inside. She added some spices she found in the kitchen and then placed them over the coals.
"Bout 20 minutes or so." She said, holding her hands up in the air in front of her. She left the area and head inside to wash her hands. Julia Morgan was a dirty creature. She never hand washed. 'What's gonna happen? Am I gonna get some terrible virus and get sick?' she'd always say. Maybe she had changed. She emerged a moment later, swatting bugs away from her face and from her vicinity. He heard her audibly moaning and shrieking as they buzzed at her while she dried her hands on paper towels. Julia never paid any mind to bugs either. She developed a sudden aversion to them. The only bug she didn't like was the mosquito. She moved closer to the grill and she stared at him. "Ugh, how long are we stayin' here, Chess?" She swatted as a bug buzzed past her. When the dragonfly flew over her and a little too close, she ducked and shrieked.
"Hey, Julia, you love dragonflies."
"That one has a mouth as big as yours." She pointed as it flew by her again.
"They don't bite." He reminded her. She was acting strange. "Hey, are you alright being here?"
"Sure." She responded, taking a seat on the picnic bench. "It's all these bugs." She complained, crossing her legs. She pulled up the sundress she had tucked into the jeans over her chest as it had dipped too low.
"It's gotta bring up bad memories." He baited her, testing her.
"It's pretty nice here."
Nice here? Considering Amanda's body had been buried there. Caleb Downing stalked her there..."Nothing you can think of, Julia."
She shrugged, looking toward the lake and swatting another bug.
"I love you." He said softly.
"I love you too."
"Kneel." He smiled. That very word would set her off into a tizzy. She was so offended by that word, in or out of the bedroom, because...wait for it...
"I am not a dog, Chester Morgan." Her face scrunched up and she gave him that look. "I do not kneel on command. Who do you think you are?"
He got to his knees. "I'm sorry, babe. I was just teasing. Come here, please."
"Dinner though." She said as she got to her feet. She crossed the yard, gravel kicking up as she arrived to the sleeping bag. He placed his hands on her hips. She peered into the fire pit. "Who ya burning, Chess? I smell it."
He brought her down to face him on her knees. "Do you understand what we, have been through the last 24 hours?" She didn't know how to answer. "I have things I need to say to you." She looked confused. "So many things, Julia."
"The fire, Chess, it's almost out."
He touched her chest, laying his hand over her sternum, feeling a moist heat. "I have learned so much from you. Kindness and patience and to take feelings into consideration. You have given me the greatest year of...the greatest year that I have had in a long time. It was like...a dream, little one. Thank you."
She touched his face with her hand and rubbed his stubble. "You're welcome." She looked at the smoke and watched the last small puffs curl upward into the air. Julia set back on her feet, kneeling in front of he who knelt in front of her.
"That was exhausting. Wow." Her body swayed a little and he caught her before she fell over. "I tried, Chess, to switch back before the burn stopped. Been trying all day. It's exhausting." She took a couple deep breaths and she looked around. "Took long enough to figure it out. It is the best I could do." She moved back from him and she went back to the grill. "Yes, Chess, to answer your question."
He followed her to the picnic table and he stood beside her with empty plates. "What question?"
"It bothers me being here. It brings up bad memories." She carefully unwrapped the foil and then placed the food on the plates he held. "But we are here for her, not me. My comfort isn't an issue right now."
"It should be. It always should be. I didn't know where else to take a dead body to burn, Julia."
"I understand." She sat down across from him and they ate quietly for a bit. Julia ate without complaining. No stomach upset, no pain after a meal. She had noticed that earlier as well. The infection never ravaged this body as it had hers, shredding through intestines, thinning them, damaging internal organs like the pancreas and liver and spleen. Her organs were always in a state of inflammation. She glanced at Chess. "I know what you're trying to do with me and I appreciate the effort. Is it worth the effort, Chess?"
"Yes, you are." He answered. "Did Jayson know where you were when I was looking for you, Julia?"
"Maybe. I dunno." She answered. "You wasted 15 grand."
"Five went to the shrink's pocket and ten paid for the bed for a month. No refunds." He added. He watched her unwrap more food from the foil and set it on the plate. "Hungry much?"
"This body wasn't half destroyed by the infection. When I said I wasn't hungry and that I was in pain when I ate, I meant that." She opened a soda and drank some. "Soda burned the hell out of my throat and stomach. It's why I never drank it. It's why I loved milk." She took a gulp of ice cold Coke and replaced the cap. "All those stupid heart burn meds never worked, cause I didn't have heart burn."
"Alcohol though, Julia, couldn't have been easy on the stomach."
"Drink enough and all the pain goes away." She smiled. "I too have a high tolerance for pain, Sir. It's not all in my head."
"I burned half your problems, then."
"I was trying to burn through all my problems-past, present and future. That is the difference."
"Choices, Julia. You told me yesterday that we make choices and sometimes we don't make the right ones. Do you really feel like that was the best decision you could have made?"
"What would I be doing right now if I hadn't made that choice?"
"You could have walked away."
"See how well that works for me, Chess? I walk away and I feel such guilt for doing so. Death is rather permanent. There is no going back, no changing the mind, no second chance or third or whatever level we achieved by this point." She took his pack of cigarettes and lit one. "I don't want that life anymore."
"What the fuck are you gonna do with this one?"
"Well, from the looks of it, whatever you want me to do." She held up her hand and wiggled her fingers at him. Her ring signifying everything and absolutely nothing at the same time.
"Jody said you were better off this way. Having lived it once, do you feel like that is true?"
"Circumstances were so very different when I wore this ring. The man who placed it on my finger controlled every aspect of my life."
"Is it a true statement?"
"Yes." She replied. "We have discussed this."
"Does it matter if you're not in love with me?"
"I always have and always will love Chess Morgan."
"Are you saying that because you have to?"
"What do you think?" She asked annoyed. "Base your answer on everything you know about us." She plucked the ring off her finger and set it on the table in front of him. "It's all a game, babe. If I want to leave you, I will. You control what I allow you to control. Remember who you're dealing with."
"Awe, please don't be mad at me, Julia. I can't do it right now. I can't."
She took the ring and slipped it back on her finger. "Ok."
Chess left her eat her second helping and then packed up the things that they had brought and what was left of the food that Jody had brought. He wanted to get out of there and back home. He wanted to get Julia away from the cabin. She had stated very clearly to him that it unnerved her and as the time passed, the memories would resurface. It had always made her uncomfortable talking about the weekend they spent at the cabin and the circumstances surrounding it. It was a walk down memory lane he didn't wish to take. Like she had said, their purpose there was to burn a body, not take a vacation. She didn't ask why they were leaving, but she was glad to get out of there. He'd closed everything up and they drove away leaving the place looking as it had when they arrived. Once in the truck, he opened his bag and he held out his hand. "The ring." He said. She couldn't very well wear it around. He tucked it in his pocket when it was in his palm and then he held up a small brown box. "Jules." Her face looked pained. "Jay said take her with her mother."
"I am her mother." She responded coldly.
He tucked the box back into his bag and then tucked the bag on the floor in the back seat section of the truck. He set out on the drive back to Maverick. He had a handful of places he needed to go, people he needed to visit. A story he needed to explain to multiple people who would all understand what he had done and why he had done it. A year ago they had an introduction to their future, though a short lived one.
"Can you go hang with my brother?" He asked as they parked in his driveway. "I wanna get Jesslyn."
Chess head across the street and Julia walked through the yard and left herself inside the house through the front door. "Hey, Sandy." She said once inside. She walked into a crowd of grieving people. Tarin flew through the living room and grasped her leg, oblivious to what was going on. What was going on? She hoisted the baby to her hip and hugged him. Tavin, she could see him through the living room in the kitchen. "Tav, you told everyone?" She asked as she held onto Tarin.
"Waiting for you guys to come back, yeah." He answered.
Julia walked with Tarin to the kitchen where she came face to face with Jess. "Chess is looking for you at home." She said, backing away slowly and holding onto Tarin like she had the day before as tight as ever.
"I was with her the other day. She was normal. Herself. Julia, I don't understand this." Jess cried and sniffled next to Tavin.
"I-I don't- I am sorry, Jess." She said, backing toward the living room. She never did handle crying people well. She never could grasp tears and sadness and pain and sympathize with people's pain. As selfish as it was, she only saw her own.
She set Tarin on Sandy and she walked out the door where she ran into Jayson. She jumped, let out an audible gasp and backed away from him. He had spent enough time at home and his family asked that he come there. "Hi, are you Ok, Julia?" He asked.
She nodded.
"You." They heard Chess as he came across the street. Jay turned and Julia jumped again. She knew from the tone of his voice this wouldn't play out well. Chess had been waiting for this. "You let this happen."
She wasn't sure to which one of them Chess spoke, Jayson or herself. "Chess, no." Julia felt the nerves, the anxiety. "It's not his fault." She stepped in front of Jay. Chess's arm hooked around her body and connected a fist to Jay's jaw. "Chess, stop."
"She's fucking dead, Jayson. What the fuck were you thinking?" He hit him again as Julia struggled beneath the weight of him to get him to stop.
"Please, stop it, Chess." She begged. She felt his arm swing again and the other around her to keep her upright as he moved. "Hit him back, Jayson." She screamed.
"You're in the way, I can't." Jay yelled, backing toward the house.
Her hands moved over his shoulders and around his waist as Chess moved forward. She thought about tripping him and instead she felt the gun against his back. She pulled it. He stopped when he felt the weapon being removed from him.
"Back off Jayson." She screamed at him. "I will fucking shoot you. It was my decision. Mine." She took the safety off the weapon and made it clear to him. "He does not take the blame. I do, Chess. I opened the bottle. I swallowed the fucking pills. I chose to end my life. You blame me for Julia Fry's death. Me, alone."
"You were not thinking clearly. He was. He was the one who watched it go down and did absolutely nothing."
"He wants to live. He understands my pain. He understands this mess. Give me my daughter, now."
"What the hell is going on?" Tavin asked, stepping outside. "Red, put the fucking gun down."
"Has nothing to do with you, Tavin." She fired the gun into the ground at Chess's feet and he jumped. "Give me Caroline."
"Jules, fuck, you cannot fire that as you see fit. It isn't the end of the world yet."
"It's the end of mine. Gimme my daughter."
Chess nervously crossed the yard to the truck and he retrieved the box with Care's ashes inside it. He handed it to her. "Shoot yourself. You killed a member of our family. Shoot yourself."
"This is gonna hurt." She muttered as she aimed at her head.
"Under the chin. Don't fuck it up." Chess chided her. "Go be with your girls and leave your boys alone."
Julia placed the gun under her chin. She pulled the trigger. They all heard the click, then another, and another. Nothing. "Fuck." She mumbled. "What am I doing wrong?"
He took the gun from her. "Julia Fry saved your life. Again. Can you stop now?" He placed his gun in the truck and they stood awkwardly on the lawn. "Please, stop. Please. I am begging."
Chess looked at Jayson's swollen left eye. "You let Julia Fry die. The one person in my life that...you let her go to sleep. Live with that, Jayson."
"What? No, I was with Julia. I was talking to her. I stayed with her so she wasn't alone. I-"
Jesus Christ. Do I need to fling all 100 pounds of me over a bridge? Stand in front of a train? Stab my wrists with sharp objects? She tossed around ideas as she stood on the Morgan's front lawn. "I was almost out." She said over her shoulder. "I found myself in Rochester, New York with Chess. It was foggy at first, then I remembered the klonipin. I called and you didn't answer. I called Tav and it was too late to save her. She was, I was, already gone. Thanks for following through, Jay."
"You're welcome." He answered, taking a seat on the front steps. "I keep my promises." He touched around his face where Chess had struck him.
"If I knew it was her, I would have-"
"He knows and I know and she knows."
"The last thing you said was 'it is all the klonipin'. Your heart stopped. There was peace there for a while, then I wondered how the fuck I was gonna do what I had to do when you came back. I woulda done the right thing. I could have. I would have, but the hard part was done."
"Eh, your brother was right. All I do is create more problems. Add to them."
"I never saw it that way. I always thought my girl would come around."
"The world's gonna turn and eat us."
"So, not me. I won't eat ya. I'm the only one who won't chew you up and spit you out."
"I am so not in love with you, Jayson. I love you though."
"Ditto, Jules."
"What's the plan?"
"Fuck the plan. The whole thing wasn't working." He tossed her his car keys. "But I am willing to work with ya." He stood up and he watched her jingle the keys in her palm. "If that means leaving here and everyone we care about, then so be it." He came down the steps to her. "We're all creatures of habit, you know, and this habit is hard to part with. I should have gone with you any time you asked. I should have followed you anywhere. So, I will follow. Where are we going, girl that doesn't love me?"
Julia reached in her pocket and she held up a silver ring with an amethyst stone. "Know how many dead bitches I had to go through to get this ring, my Jayson?"
He frowned at her morbid sense of humor and he took the ring, then slid it over her finger. "Ugh, poor choice of words, Mrs. Keller."
"Where on earth did you find this ring, Jayson? It's been eating at me since you gave it to me."
"Julia, I got it at the pawn shop. You saw it and you said that was the ring you wanted when I gave you one. Then you said,"
"As if that would ever happen." She finished his statement. "I remember now."
First thing in the morning the two of them made their way inside the courthouse. They waited an hour in chairs for someone to marry them. They were the one and only couple. They stood in the clothes he wore the day before and she had been wearing for two days. They looked most out of place from having slept in the car. In fact, they appeared as if the world had already ended. She smelled like a fire pit and he looked beat up. Julia Morgan married Jayson Keller at 10am and they walked out a short while after as Mr and Mrs. Jayson Keller.
"Well, now what?"
"I had something nice planned, Julia." He admitted. "Until you...you know."
"Awe, really?"
"Yeah, I was still going, because I can't get my money back. No refunds. I think I was gonna sleep for two days straight and start over, you know."
Jay drove her through Maverick and then Oaks and then into the countryside. All of her surroundings looked familiar and she wasn't surprised. She wondered what he had planned. They stopped at the store , then at Target for a few things. They drove toward their destination. He warned her as they drove past Ann that if she wasn't happy with the destination, then they could leave. But she was beyond happy when Jay pulled his car into the driveway and parked where the barn should have been.
"Here, Jayson?" She got out of the car and she looked around the grounds, completely unfamiliar to her eyes as they were now. No fence, no spikes, no barn, no coop, no still. A large gazebo sat in her field of dreams and it was surrounded by pretty flowers. No addition. In its place there was an in ground pool, tables and chairs, well shaded.
"It's beautiful, Jayson." She said softly as she stepped away from the car. He took her hand and he led her to the front door, up the creaky steps to the wrap around porch. She looked across the street and saw open fields. The place still smelled like shit because of the farms surrounding the bed and breakfast, but it was beautiful. Hanging plants from the front porch, vinyl siding and it was nicely painted. "You brought me home." She smiled.
"Come inside, Jules."
He opened the front door and stepped into an antique clean that shined. So perfectly decorated and across the living room, which was more of a reception area, there was a long table. They served food. Country breakfast every morning and country dinner in the evening. A white table cloth and place settings decorated her table and she could smell food. Bread baking. Her eyes were wide and in awe as she saw what her farm house looked like from the inside. Modern and cool from AC, clean and painted white. Wooden floors with braided carpets and shiny wooden steps led to the upstairs level of the farmhouse.
Pictures caught her attention as she looked around the reception area. Small plaques beneath each picture that informed the reader of the farm house's history. Abe...she thought...she reached for the picture and a homely, heavy set woman wearing an apron arrived to the reception room and greeted them.
"How may I help you kids?"
"I have a reservation." Jayson said. "We do." He amended that as he tugged her hand to get her attention. "Keller." He said to the woman.
"You are the newlyweds."
"Yes," Julia answered as she looked at the woman.
The plump woman moved behind her reception desk and she talked to Jayson, describing the meal hours and the way the bed and breakfast worked. Common areas closed at a certain time and there were quiet times, etc... Their youth seemed to surprise her.
"Yes, ma'am." Jay responded as she finished her rules and whatnot. Julia paid attention to none of it.
She led them up the stair case and opened the door to their room. It was an electric fireplace, not a real one. A TV above the mantel and a bathroom. Bright, painted white and had a heavy white bedspread and pink roses on the table by the window in a vase. White curtains with sheers over them. It smelled delightful, like potpourri. She handed Jay a key and went on her way.
Julia walked into the bathroom and it was shinier than the bathroom at home. An old fashioned claw foot tub sat under the window. She touched it. It didn't seem real. "Wow, Jayson, thank you." She gushed with excitement, kicking off flip flops onto the bathroom mat in front of the tub. She ran luke warm water.
"I'll get our things, ok?" He said, emptying his pockets onto the bed.
"Yes, please." She smiled as she untied the hoodie from her waist. She left it drop on the mat and then she pulled her sundress out of her jeans and over her head. Her hair fell next over her shoulders and down her back. "This tub is huge." She said as he returned. "Thank you, Jayson."
The water ran and the tub was filling. She had added bubbles to the water and it was foaming. "It's different, yet similar." He noted as he returned and shut the door to the room.
"It's better." She admitted as the last time they occupied this room there was no bathroom, plumbing or television. It was clean, but not immaculate like this. She turned to face him. He sat on the end of the bed and he watched her move. Her body looked so different. He'd seen it before, but the differences between the Julia's was as glaring to him as the differences of the room were to her. He wasn't bothered, but he was intrigued.
"Jay, what's up?" She asked as she pushed her hair back over her shoulders.
"Your body is different." He admitted as she bent forward and turned the water off.
"It is." She agreed. "Takes some getting used to."
"I am." He debated keeping that to himself or divulging that information. He opted with keeping that between himself and Fry. "It's younger is what I mean." She gave him a quizzical look as if she didn't believe that explanation. "Age difference and all."
"I'm sure." She smiled. "Come in with me." She stepped over the side of the tub and she sat in the warm water.
"I don't like bath tubs." He shook his head. "But I can make an exception today."
Once she was under the water and submerged in bubbles, he stripped off clothes and climbed in the opposite end of the tub. Sitting across from her, he held out his hand and he guided her to him. She turned and leaned against him. The water was tepid at best.
"Bored yet?" He asked as he observed her looking out the window over the trees. There was no clearing at this farm house. All woods and sky.
"No. I am not." She reached for a cloth and she washed the smell of the fire pit from her body and her hair. She shimmied around the tub and she washed him, too, careful not to wet the braided hair. If the braids came out, he'd look ridiculous, but she could always redo them. "How long do we have here?"
"Two days." He answered as she let the water run out of the tub. He stood up and wrapped a towel around his waist, then she wrapped and they went in the room. He turned off the AC, leaving the fan on.
"Gonna sleep for two days straight?" She asked as he approached her.
He took her towel and dried the water droplets from her body. "Not quite, Mrs. Keller." He answered, laying her back on the bed. He opened her legs as he knelt on the floor at her feet. He put his mouth over her bump and she shivered. He placed his hands on her thighs, spreading her wide. "Not quite."
They passed a quiet and easy two days in the farm house, in the pool, in the gazebo. They drove to the nearest town and walked the street festival and went to a carnival, ate too much food. They turned off cell phones and they didn't turn the TV on once. At night they sat on the porch or by the pool and talked. They closed off the world. The second night, they sat on the front porch in the rocking chairs, holding hands like they did a long time ago on a different porch. When common areas closed and the owner retired for the night, she and Jay waited till the coast was clear and they removed Caroline's box from Julia's bag. They opened the box and spread her remains among the flowers planted around the base of the apple tree. They buried Caroline Keller in her grave for the second time. They spent time with their girl before they had to leave her at peace where she belonged.
"Jules, this has been an awesome two days." Jay told her as they held hands and head into Gunny's tat shop in Oaks.
"It has." She admitted as she stood at the counter.
Gun's dad approached them with a warm smile. "Hello, Julia." He extended a hand, "Jayson, how are you?"
"Good." Jay responded kindly. His grip tightened on Julia's hand.
"Business or pleasure." He asked them, leaning on his counter.
"Initials actually." She replied as she and Jay put their hands on the counter. "JJK, both ring fingers."
Jay looked nervous. "Jules, I don't like this."
"Doesn't hurt, Jayson."
He had refused to go to Gun Jr's shop because of their sexual history. He had no idea about Gun Sr. Such a good looking man, arms tatted, neck tatted, but the blue eyes were dreamy and the graying hair had been so soft in her hands and against her skin. The gray goatee had tickled her neck and other places. Such a sweet kisser and a good lover.
Jay sat first and didn't enjoy a moment of the work. Simple lettering and it took all of five minutes. Julia was next and sat quietly like there was no metal scraping along her skin. He tatted them free of charge and wouldn't accept money.
"Are you sure?" Jay asked. He had money in his pocket. Initials were cheap, especially the initials on a finger.
"Nah, congrats. Good luck, chicklet." He smiled as Julia walked out the door.
"Thanks, Gun."
As they stood outside the shop, she looked through the window at Gun Sr. as he kicked back in his chair behind the counter. He watched afternoon talk shows. Someone else passed them, heading inside. When her initials healed, she'd put the ring back on the appropriate finger. "He should be on your list." Julia sighed, remembering.
"The email list."
"Yes, put him at the top of it." She mumbled. "I can make my own list, babe. Don't need your help."
"What did he do?"
"He called me chicklet." She smirked and she led him away from Gun's shop.
"What did Gun's dad do, babe?"
"I'll tell you if you tell me." She answered as they walked along the street to the car.
"Tell you what."
"Why you are so damn comfy with Julia Fry's hot body?" She folded her arms over her chest as she waited for him to open the car door. "Sorry, let me rephrase that, because I should rephrase that and sound less accusing." She corrected her manner of speaking and she changed her posture. "Why are you familiar with the heat?"
"I lived with her for 8 months." He replied. "We were all familiar with her heat, her temp, her-"
"Excuse me," she smiled. "Bullshit, my Jay."
He groaned and pulled the door open for her, a wicked smile crossed his face for only a fleeting moment. "You think you know, but you don't. How would you know anyway?"
"Any one who enters the heat, no matter how experienced, is overwhelmed by the heat and usually cannot take the heat, thus a premature reaction to said heat."
He laughed at her description of the heat. "Do you speak from experience?"
"This ain't my first fever or vaccination." She sat in the car and she peeked at the cell from habit.
Multiple text messages and missed calls. "Geeze, please call Tav and tell him we are ok."
"I will, chicklet." He said, strapping the seat belt around him.
"Do not call me that."
"It's cute."
He took the cell and called his brother. He listened and listened. "We're fine, Tav. How come I disappear and the world crashes down? Everyone else disappears and no one bats an eye?" He asked either him or Julia. She wasn't sure.
"Not your M.O." She shrugged.
"He wants us to come home till the 15th."
"Cool." She replied. "I'm back to normal. Proceed. We're about outta money anyway."
"Yeah, we are." Jay agreed on that pretty quick. "Unless you plan on tent camping."
"We could. Makes no difference to me. We'll get a jump on that lifestyle."
When they got home, Tavin and Kelly waited with Alex and Tarin. Alex and Kelly stared her down and touched her skin. They commented that she wouldn't have been able to keep her secret very long. They both figured it out pretty quickly who was who, didn't matter the flesh. The energy was different. They spent a couple hours talking it out and no matter what explanation Julia tried to give, none of them accepted it as Jay had. Alex was the closest to her and could read her energy and admitted that he could somewhat understand, but completely he could not. He suggested that perhaps, based on the future as he had been privy to reading it and knowing some of her past, some intimate details, he could venture a guess as to why she wanted to end her life. But someone who wished to live could not completely grasp the mindset of the person who did not.
The more time she spent with them, the more they were awed at the sudden change of attitude. It took a couple days to work itself out and they didn't know what Jay had done to her and she couldn't explain other than utter peace and relaxation. There was closure for Caroline and closure for them as well. Two days later, she appeared a changed woman.
Julia knew the truth, however, and she wondered if Jayson knew. It had more to do with Chess Morgan than either was willing to admit. Two small words that took some time to get used to. Two small words, significant to her and no one else had been plainly stated to her face a few days prior: I rescind. Made all the difference in the world. She still functioned within the boundaries he placed on her prior to his rescinding and letting her go. Releasing her into the wild to be in charge of her own life and everything in it was the biggest mistake he ever made.
She sat quietly, replied when spoken to. She spoke politely and she didn't utter curse words like punctuation. She was a pleasant and sweet human being again. They speculated that seeing her own dead body, watching Chess sink a bullet into her head and then burn her had something to do with it. A new found lease on life, an optimism and calm had taken over her. They also speculated that the bullets that never fired were a sign from the universe, and Julia Morgan, now Julia Keller, loved signs from the universe. Julia Fry had saved her life. Had Chess not taken her target practicing and then put a bullet into a zom and then Julia giving him a warning shot, she would be as dead as she ever wished. It was or wasn't a coincidence that the bullets ran out. When Chess chided her, egged her on, he knew she'd fail. What had scared him was the one bullet that was left. She was playing Russian roulette and didn't even realize it. She had no idea how close she came to dying on the Morgan front lawn.
"So you two were at the farm house all this time?" Tavin asked.
"Two days, yes." Julia replied, hands folded in her lap.
"We got married." Jayson announced. "I know that you were against the idea, but-"
"I was. But like I said, I would support you whatever your decision like I always do. Both of you."
"It's about time." Kelly yelled from the living room over the television. "I think that's wonderful news." She shuffled off the couch and leaned on the counter. "Thanks for the invite, guys." She came around the counter and looked at Julia's ring. "I love it." She smiled, then looked at Tavin. "Her ring is really pretty."
"It's on the wrong hand." Tavin mentioned.
Julia nodded. "I know that." She placed her opposite hand on the table. JJK was tattooed on her ring finger.
Kelly looked at Jay's ring finger. "You have the same initials."
"Yes."
Kelly took Tarin outside and Jay went down the basement to smoke and left a very reserved Julia in the kitchen with him. He started pulling out dinner and she stood without him asking and helped with the meal. She quietly worked alongside of him.
"Red." He said.
"Yes, Tavin." She answered.
"You sure you're ok?"
"I believe so. Yes."
"You know that you can talk to me. Why didn't you come to me?" She remained mute. She had explained this and she wouldn't again. "Ok, then. Promise me that in the future, you will come to me. I will do whatever I have to do or listen, anything. Julia, I love you."
"Thank you. Understood." She said, touching his hand. "I love you too." She started placing plates on the table and then silverware. "As I told Jody, it had nothing to do with love or the lack of love for my family. I wish I could show you, but I cannot."
"Why are you talking like that?" He asked. Her speech was reminiscent of a different conversation he had with her in that kitchen.
She continued setting the table and then got out cups for each place setting. "Talking like what?" She asked. She set the last cup down at the head of the table and then stood quietly looking at him. "Remind you of anything in particular?" She placed her hands on her hips and looked to the basement as she smelled weed. Jay didn't smoke outside when Tarin played out there. She kicked the basement door shut. She placed her hands on the chair in front of her. She cleared her throat. She wanted him to guess. She needed him to guess. "Have you spoken with Chess? Is he doing alright? I haven't and the way we left things, I wanted to, but I don't feel comfortable calling him."
"He's ok. He's a little butt hurt that you took a shot at him."
"I would not have shot him. I'd like to see him. Talk to him." She admitted. "But." She looked over her shoulder. "The way we left things I don't know. Has he said anything?"
"He smoothed things over with Jesslyn and then went to see Macy."
"Good. The wife...great."
"Wife." Tavin repeated. "Wives. What exactly went on at the cabin?"
"We talked."
"Anything else?"
"No. We talked. He talked." She stressed the word talked. "To me." She was getting frustrated. "Damn it, never mind." She turned and walked away from him, then returned a few moments later. "I am sorry, Tavin. That won't happen again. I was out of line." She looked down at her hands.
"Oh, my God, Red." He mumbled. He looked confused as he lowered his voice and looked at the basement door.
She swatted her hands at him. "I do as I please with Jayson. And I am divorced from Chess."
"You do act different like this."
She nodded. "That is the truth." She whispered.
"What's all this mean, Jules?"
"I don't fuckin know, Tav." She watched the basement door. She spoke hushed, thinking of the future king and his restrictions.
"He probably forgot what with all the drama yesterday." He laughed at her for the first time in a long time and felt comfortable doing so. He chuckled as he placed chicken breasts in the pan to cook. She looked insulted and sad. "I'm not interfering with this shit anymore."
Julia sat for the meal and then cleaned up quietly behind all of them. She didn't complain and she didn't look down or depressed. She tossed the rest of her meds in the trash and when she was finished, she took Jay's hand and took him to bed.
Jay got up in the morning and went to the gym, then to work. Pizza still needed to be made for the people before the end of the world. She enjoyed the house alone and had ten phone calls before noon to make sure she was alive. People wanting to know about her well being scared her. Considering she had taken her own life less than a week prior, it was understandable. Chess called and he asked if she was home yet from parts unknown and when she replied yes, he came over on his way to Philly.
He met her on the front step and he glared at her. "You told me it didn't matter, Julia. Now you go and change your damn mind?"
"It mattered and I can override you. I was not in my right mind."
"So that was you grossly misbehaving or some shit?"
"Don't speak to me like that, please."
"I'm angry, Julia. You fucking shot at me."
She quietly waited for him to calm down.
"Why should I do this? Why should I care? Why shouldn't I release you?"
"You have released me into the wild." She folded her arms over her chest and stood angrily on the front porch of Tavin's house.
"I can let you go."
"I ask that you do not."
"Can't Jayson do this?"
"No. I tried with him and all he managed to do was get tied up."
"What on earth do you want?"
"Um, I won't bother you much. Just check in and if I am out of line, straighten me out."
"OK. What do I get out of this?" He asked, genuinely curious. "Mrs. Keller." He sighed as if he had to come up with something off the top of his head. He looked at her cigarette in her hand. "She never smoked and it's not really honoring her fine body that I miss."
"Is that what you were doing when you were humping Macy? Honoring her fine body? Were you taking her feelings into consideration when you were humping Macy?"
"Julia, what is it to you?" He paused. "You do remember who you're married to now. You got no right to be jealous."
"Is my ring in your pocket, Chester?" She asked. He didn't reply, but rubbed his hand over it to make sure. "Then you remember who you married first."
"I suggest you do the same." He stood in front of her a few more minutes and finished her cigarette. "Are you alright?" He sighed loudly. "Everything you told me about him and how you feel about him-"
"I love him. It's the right thing to do."
He walked away from her and got to the curb before he turned back to her. "You can smoke if you want."
"Thank you."
"Anything you wanna say to Kev?"
"Um, not particularly. Don't let Jody torture him. I don't agree with this."
"Babe, Jo's had him the last 24 hours. I hope he's alive when I get there. The way we set this up, there won't be repercussions."
Her flip side memory of Kevin walking and running and protecting their family alongside of them haunted her. He died for their family, was first to head out ahead of them in order to protect what they had built on their land. At the first sign of an intruder, Kevin had armed and went to investigate. He always put Hayley first. He had been a part of their family. That had been the Kevin she chose to remember. Kev in real time had to adapt to the world in which he lived. He had no choice. He lived the way the rest of them lived, by his own set of rules. The Kevin she knew was a good guy with some flaws, but a perverted interest in children had not been one of them. "If I agreed with this decision, Chess, he'd already be dead."
"I don't agree necessarily."
"Then give him the kill order. You don't have to hold a grudge. It isn't your grudge to hold." She could plainly see he was on the fence. "Let it go. It's the past."
"I'm surprised you'd say that." He walked to her and he sat on the step beside her. He called Jo on an entirely different cell from his pocket, then put him on speaker. "Jo, is what you say about the princess 100% fact?"
"Yes." Jody's voice sounded cold and tired. "Am I on speaker? Who are you with?"
"The contact," Chess replied so he'd understand clearly. "Do what needs to be done."
Julia heard Jody as he walked quietly through the place in which he stood. His whereabouts she wasn't privy to. As he approached, music could be heard gradually increasing in volume. She opened her mouth to speak, but Chess put his finger against his lips, then put the cell on mute. No one would have heard her voice, but he didn't want to risk that.
She heard a door open to loud rap music, the local Philly radio station. When the music turned down, she heard it. She heard the moans all too familiar to her ears and her heart rate picked up. It was like listening to as opposed to viewing a movie. As the August heat hugged them on Tavin Keller's front porch, the cars in the suburbs slowly drove by and the normal suburbia life unfolded around them, she and Chess listened as Kevin's voice could be heard begging for his life, pleading with Mayers, asking what he had done. The justice handed to him for a crime he hadn't committed yet.
"This is payback for a little girl I love."
"Man, I ain't touch Heather. Has to be Heather. She the only white girl I know."
"Who the hell is Heather?" Chess asked Julia under his breath.
"I don't know any Heather." She shrugged. "Another kid, you think?"
He spoke to Kevin. "You get what you deserve."
Screams and shrieks could be heard over the snarling and growling zoms that rushed Kevin in his chair. He sat helpless and scared and he was mauled and ripped apart. They heard nothing but pain and torture till Kevin was over come and silenced by those dead Jody had let loose on him. She didn't have to speculate about the event about to unfold in Philadelphia, because she had seen it once before. Kevin sat in a wheel chair and he awaited monsters to rip at his flesh with eager hands and open mouths. This had been the future she had shown him Thanksgiving holiday and it had come true. It was reckoning day and he was meeting his maker. Jody was unleashing them upon him and he didn't have to fire a single bullet or implicate himself or anyone else. She could sense Jody watching this all happen. The only thing that was unclear was his reaction and whether he enjoyed this or not. Once Kev silenced, they heard Jody rummaging in his pocket for the phone. "Oh, you're still there?" He asked surprised that the cell was still on the call.
"We are." Chess answered.
"She was telling the truth." Jody spoke to those listening on the phone. "I told you she wouldn't lie to me. She told me what he did." He sounded insistent and despondent at the same time. "Phase two." Jody stated, then he waited for an answer.
"Yes." Chess replied, then ended the call. He took all the parts of the phone apart and held them in his hands.
"Phase two. What phase two? He should put them down and walk away, Chess. What is phase two?"
"Baby, we're burning down the whole city."
"No, you're not." She laughed in disbelief. She thought he was kidding. He didn't change his posture or his facial expression. "That's imposs-" Nothing was impossible anymore.
"There's a reason we chose today. All the teams are in the mid west."
"The people though. There's so many innocent people, Chess."
"Who know that this happens all the fucking time. The ones who are smart are armed and prepared. Those who aren't, that's a different story."
"The prepared are outnumbered."
"Gonna take hours to mobilize and act. By then it'll be too late."
"They can get this under control. They can put the fire out. They can handle it. They have been doing a great job of it. There's so many more teams and there's so many good people that are out there trying to right this."
"That surprises me coming from you."
"The lab and its experiments and its wrong is part of the bigger picture. What those people do is wrong, but on the flipside of that, what your people do is good and is proactive."
"We are putting the truth in the national spot light. We are putting the death and destruction and the horror on every single television screen in the united states and around the world."
"You're setting off a dirty bomb." She yelled.
"No, no, no. We are starting a fire, a large scale incident. We are putting this out there, the truth, like we should have a long time ago."
"Jody is in the middle of it. Chess, is he on his way home?" She asked insistently. "Chess."
She rose from the front steps and went in the house for her cell. She wanted Mayers out of Philadelphia. She called him herself.
"He won't answer you." Chess said.
She shook her head, feeling the anxiety rise within her. "There's 1.5 million motherfuckers in Philadelphia, Morgan. 1.5 million people."
"Calm down." He said as Julia scrolled through her phone and found the number for the pizza shop. "What's Jay gonna do?"
She hit send and she waited for her voice. She knew the number to the pizza shop in her head and didn't need it on her contact list. "Hi," She droned as the one bitch on the planet who would believe her and act answered the phone. "I hate to bother you." She looked at Chess and walked away from him. "There's an incident about to take place in Philly. A major one. I thought you should know." She paused as Chess looked at her quizzically. "I realize that and I realize the weight of the words I say and I think you should take this seriously considering I am calling you, because you are the last person I would call."
"Who the fuck is that?" Chess asked her.
"I cannot tell you that." Julia answered. "Yes, I know you're busy." She mumbled. "I have never asked you for anything."
Chess snatched the phone from her hand. "Who is this?" No one was on the end of the line. "Julia, who'd you call?" He opened the pizza shop contact and he didn't recognize the number. "That's not the pizza shop." He didn't think to delete the names and places that were familiar to him.
"I have people too." Julia said. One person who gave her a phone number a long time ago. Her work cell, because she didn't exactly trust Chess Morgan either. She had also tried to recruit Julia a dozen times and gave her the number in hopes she would change her mind. Get the help she needed and then change her mind.
"Who did you call?" He asked as he dialed the phone. It went to a voicemail that only said, you've reached a particular number and to leave a message.
"Enough people have turned and died this week."
"Not a word out of you." He said as he left her.
"You haven't seen what Philadelphia turns into. Literally, it turns and it's- I was there." She pursued him through the house and outside. "You don't know what you're talking about. I cannot believe Mayers agreed to this." She passed Tavin on his way in from work. "Hi, Tav." She said in passing as she went after Chess. "You think your friendly countryside zoms are a big deal? You think those little nests are a big deal? Chess, you haven't seen a thing. You don't know what you're talking about. Please, listen to me."
"I hear you." He told her.
She shoved him. "Are you listening to me?" She screamed at him. "No one fucking listens to me. This is and was the problem with you people."
"Red, what is wrong now?" Tavin asked her as they passed him in the driveway.
"Nothin'." She answered.
"Don't push me." Chess turned to her. "That was always a problem. Your hands."
She punched him. "Take that hand." She screamed at him. "Listen to me. Listen." She shoved him. "You haven't laid eyes on it."
Chess put his hands on her and thought about shoving her back. It was an instant reaction and he held back. "I am listening. Stop screaming at me. Stop hitting me and stop pushing me. Don't shoot at me and-"
"Don't dismiss my experiences and my opinions because you're angry either. You have always overlooked the fact that I am and always will be the one who does this first and better than you. And considering it's the only thing you know how to do, you should be willing to learn how to do it properly." She shoved him back toward his truck.
"I'm gonna hit you back, babe."
She punched him hard on his jaw. "I am your equal, not your bitch." She screamed at him. She punched him in his chest. "I am your superior not your equal." She yelled at him.
He slapped her.
"We don't start it. We finish it."
She punched him again, avoiding his nose. "Call him. Make him stop this." He raised his hand again. "Please, don't slap me." She stated calmly. "Please, don't slap me." Her eyes welled with tears and her heart beat raced. "You can't even fight right. You slap like a damn girl." She screamed, rubbing her face where it stung. "Get one thing straight, number two. Don't fuck with my people or my heart. Get in your truck and go to Philadelphia. See it for yourself." She kicked his leg. "Don't come back without Jody."
He took her and knocked her legs from beneath her, falling back on the lawn with her. He held her down with one hand and pulled his arm back with a balled up fist. "Do you even comprehend how bad I could hurt you?"
"Yes." She answered, leaving her arms fall at her side. "Do you think I fuckin care?" He lowered his fist and continued to hold her down. "A few days ago, I wanted to die. Do you think that's changed? Do you think I would care if you hurt me right now? If anyone hurt me right now?"
"Way to think positive."
"This is me thinking positive. Wanna see negative?"
Both of them looked toward the house when the door opened. "What are you two doing?" Tavin had changed from his uniform into street clothes.
"Chatting." Julia answered.
"Wanna take a ride to Philly, brother?" Chess asked, getting off her and onto his feet. He reached for her to help her up.
She swatted at his hand, "Don't need your help." She muttered, kicking at him to get away from her.
"Not really. Why?"
"Gonna go pick up, Jody." He replied as he reached for her again. She stayed laid out on the grass. "You alright, Julia? I'm sorry."
"I'm well. Do not apologize to me."
"Punishment? Who's the punisher, Red?" Tavin asked, lighting a cigarette.
"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna work out." She yelled. I think I am beyond help or punishment or control. These people need help...not me...I'm fine...isn't a damn thing wrong with me...she thought.
"Didn't work out last time, Red." He told her. "I'll go, yeah. Lemme get some shoes on."
"Protect him." Julia said quietly.
"Wanna go?" He asked with a grin. "Work out some of that aggression, babe?"
Not leaving Jay..."I wanna go, Chess. Do you think Jay would go?" She asked curiously.
"Odds are in your favor, it is the family business." He reached for her hand. She accepted it this time.
"There's things I will need. Give me five minutes, please."
"Sure. Who did you call?"
"I called Cookie." She answered.
Cookie, he believed, would not be a problem. Cook may make a few calls, check out the report of the incident and when she found nothing or something, she'd act and then it would take hours, dividing an over worked team in half and rerouting hundreds of men, weakening a resistance in the Midwest to strengthen one on the east coast. Either way the phone call worked in his favor. He didn't care.
He pursued Julia this time. Curious about a telephone number he didn't recognize, meaning she obviously had access to Cook when he did not. "It's her work cell." She explained, changing into jeans and a tee. She pulled on Nike sneakers and grabbed her hoodie. From beneath the bed, she pulled a lock box and placed her palm on the top, which unlocked and opened the box. She pulled out two handguns, two knives and clips for these guns.
"What the hell?"
"I am prepared." She answered, depositing these items in a back pack that was also under her bed. She pulled another from underneath. "This one belongs to Jayson." She pulled another. "This belongs to Alex. We keep them in here. He's a kid, of course."
"Someone let you purchase weapons?"
"Yep." She pulled her hair into a tail and twisted it into a bun on her head. "This is why we didn't come home right away. This is why he called me ten times today. This is why he didn't wanna go to work at all." She kicked Jay and Alex's boxes back under the bed. "He knows once Tavin gets home, he doesn't need to check anymore." She frowned at that thought. "Sad, isn't it?"
As they got in the truck, Julia tucking herself in the back, she thought about the contracts they signed. They should not be driving anywhere near an incident. They should not be involving themselves in matters of national security. It would violate the terms and agreements. As she pondered the ramifications of their adventure into the city, they pulled up to the pizza shop.
"Babe, I'm closing. I have responsibilities." He told her from behind the counter. "I would lose my job." He leaned on the counter, facing her, relaxed and calm. "You're being impulsive again." There were a couple customers in the shop and there were clearly two other employees in the back of the shop. "I can go after my shift or another day even and hang on south street with you, ok."
She smiled softly as the kid behind him cooked French fries listened to their conversation. "Has that young man ever made a pizza?" Julia asked, indicating the kid behind her could function without him.
"I manage the store. I do not make pizza. Well, I can and I do sometimes. And I just had time off for our trip."
"Trip? Jay, that was our honeymoon." She smiled politely.
Jay came around the counter and put his arm around her, leading her back to the door through which she arrived. He had been curious how she had arrived there and with whom. When he looked through the open shop door, he spied the truck a few car lengths down the street. "I'm gonna lose my job though." He whined as he looked down the street. He put hands on her waist. He felt a knife there in its pouch on her hip. "Julia." He whined some more.
"This is one of those times you should come with me when I wanna leave, Jayson."
"Are you just gonna go anyway?"
"Probably, but I am asking you first."
"You consider three minutes notice asking me?" He asked, stepping onto the walk with her.
"It's a start." She answered as he took her hand. He held the truck door open for her and let her get inside. Her eyes bore into his as he stood on the sidewalk.
"This is crazy." He mumbled as he stepped on the runner and then sat on the seat next to her. He strapped into the seat. "What are we gonna do exactly?" He asked. "Are we stabbing things in the head tonight?"
"You said we were picking up Jody." Tavin said, looking at Chess.
"We are."
"Where's Jo at?" Jay asked leaning over the seat and taking the joint that Chess had sitting in the open. He snagged his lighter, too, sparking the joint as Julia and Tavin put down the windows. "He in trouble or something?"
Chess didn't reply as he pulled away from the line of shops and drove past the pizza shop.
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