Chapter Fourteen - Husbands

"Son of a bitch." Julia said under her breath. "I asked you if you fucked her, Jay. I came right out and asked you."

"But I didn't. Not when you asked me. You were still with Tav, Julia."

"It does not matter."

Hearing that Hayley was an 'in between' didn't help the matter. Hearing that she had still been in Tavin's bed didn't help the matter. None of his excuses or explanations helped the matter. She was still angry and she let him know that. "For future reference, Jayson Keller, you are in no way, shape or form, whether we are together or separated, to go to bed with that cunt. I don't care if I am dead or alive or you are stranded on a deserted island together." Oh, his words stung her to her core. The very mention of Hayley Bond had opened up a years' old wound in her heart. "Anyone else, I would be a little more understanding." She huffed as she shook in her hospital bed. She was so angry, a crimson shade on her face and she trembled, balling her small fists as she restrained herself from pummeling him.

"Wanna see her?" He asked after a half hour of silence. He sat in the chair opposite her bed, feeling like shit long enough. He'd watch her transition from angry to a waterfall of tears, which he couldn't fathom because he hadn't cheated on her. If he'd been with her, it wouldn't have happened at all. "I know you miss Hannah as much as I do."

"Please, I need to make sure, so all this anger is justified." She commented, wiping her tears away with her tissues. Jay pulled out a dying cell phone and opened up his photo gallery. He handed the cell to her. She scrolled through a few photos and then handed the phone back to him. "That's her." She would recognize that baby a mile away. She'd held and fed and soothed and cared for Hannah long enough to know her when she saw her. "So what now?" He explained Hayley still wasn't sure, that the baby could be Kev's. He reminded her that Hayley never laid eyes on Hannah. Death had intervened, so, of course, Hayley would think Shy could be Kevin's daughter. "Shy? She named her Shy?"

"Cheyenne."

"Like the Indians?"

"Yep." He answered, taking a seat again.

She didn't speak again, but Jay did, explaining the modern miracle of DNA testing. They do it everyday on Maury, so he and Cheyenne would be no different. Only they wouldn't be on national TV with their confused baby daddy dilemma. Jay thought out loud till the nurse put him out for the night.

"I'm being discharged in the morning." Julia pulled her sweater around her body, curled up on her bed for the night and left him go home.

"What's up, Jay? Julia alright?"

"She's fine. Coming home in the morning." Jay set his bag down and removed the gun, tucking it behind his back. He felt and looked strange doing that in reality based time. He wasn't used to carrying a gun. He had forgotten to leave it with Chess. He'd carried it and his bag of cash into Mav General and hadn't given it a second thought. Chess had taken more than half the money and handed it over to Jody, but left him with a percentage of it. He tossed the bag on the counter, then tossed the rubber band stacks to his brother.

Tav hadn't ever held that much money in his hands at one time. "What the fuck, brother. Where did you get this much money?"

"Pay off the house and I'll give you more in a couple weeks."

"Jay-"

"You plan on selling it." Jay reminded him. "I'll buy it, then you can get the fuck outta my house." He mumbled as he passed through the living room. He had a few more weeks with Jody under the weather to earn it like he did that day. Tav almost argued or spoke or commented, but Jay was not hearing him. "I'm not in the fucking mood." Jay was tired of hearing Tavin complain. He'd been bitching and moaning for years, holding the house and responsibility bullshit over his head. He wanted to leave from day one. He wanted to find a place and raise his son and live like a normal person. This way, Jay thought as he climbed the stairs to his door-less room, he had handed Tavin his way out. Didn't mean they loved each other any less and it didn't mean they would not be family and remain close, but it did mean they wouldn't live together. Simple as that. Jay would take over, and somehow manage.

He pulled his gun box from beneath the bed. He opened it and placed the gun from his back inside, then stripped off his clothes to his underwear. The bed never felt so comfortable in his life. And he was out before his head hit the pillow.

Tavin was in the hospital before his shift and standing inside her room before night shift had ended. Julia had already been awake, that 4am internal alarm of hers could not be turned off. He welcomed himself inside and set a steaming hot cup of Colombian black coffee in front of her.

"Hello, handsome." Julia said as she hugged him hello. It had been so long since she had set eyes on a young and handsome Tavin Keller. She had been used to a graying and more mature Keller brother. Still attractive in his own right for his age, just shy of 50, but this one here had her swooning like a teenager again. In uniform no less. "Did I call 911, Tavin?" She asked as he took a seat on her bed and sipped his own coffee. The aroma of hazelnut nearly made her gag, but she focused on the smell of his cologne and the presence of his palm against hers.

"Red, what the fuck is wrong with Jay?"

"Oh, something about Hayley." She muttered, flicking his palm with a dull spark. Connect dammit...why couldn't this scarred and chatty twit connect to Mr Keller? She debated informing him of Hannah-Shy, but held back, because that would be a discussion she'd have with her dreadful, midget husband. "My Lord, you are so handsome. I nearly forgot how fucking handsome you were."

"Yeah, Red, thanks." He smiled.

"So what's your problem this early in the morning?" She overlooked the coffee altogether and held his hand. The feel of his strong hand in hers had her mind churning out the most indecent thoughts, a stirring deep inside her that she could barely recognize, she hadn't felt it in so long. The man she called her closest and dearest friend, her companion, her cohabitator didn't compare to this fine specimen of male anatomy who chose to visit so early in the morning.

"He kicked me out of my house."

It appeared as though we're making new ways in this place she called the past, rewriting a history without regard to the consequences. "Take Tare and go, and for God sake leave that whiny and ungrateful Kelly behind as well."

"Uh, alrighty then. Was this your idea?"

"No, my friend, it was yours." Quit wasting your time on this and go. Never should have moved here to begin with. "I remember telling you it would not work out between you two and you didn't listen. You never change and she'll never accept that or live with it."

"Well, thanks a lot, Red." He said, trying to pull his hand away. She yanked his hand and holding it whether he liked the idea or not. "Are you trying to connect with me?" He asked, wiggling his fingers. "Quit shocking me, it hurts."

"Sorry, I'll stop." She said, loosening her grip on the handsome brother's hand.

"Come here." He whispered, tugging her palm. No, no, no, not Tavin...she heard in the recesses of her brain...please do not go there...But Julia did and she leaned to him despite the noise inside her head. No, no, no, Tavin...Her hand sparked him and he heard her loud and clear, swimming inside the energy she flicked into his palm. "Nevermind, stay there." He nudged her back with his shoulder.

"Thanks." Julia said. "Trying to get me in trouble. With you of all people."

"It's true, there's a MILF in there somewhere." He grinned.

"She's obviously gotta get on the same page." Julia mumbled, leaving Tavin's hand go. "Oh, thanks, coffee." She sipped the strong Colombian black liquid and listened as Tavin described the moody interaction with Jayson. Cash, an illegal gun, his directive to get the fuck out of his house. Had his normally calm and emotional brother lost his mind?

"Ask him." Julia replied, settling back on her bed with her cup of coffee. "Damn horny woman." She whispered. "Hasn't been laid in ages. You seem to turn her on. Like she's never seen your fine ass before."

"Where am I gonna go, Julia?"

"Does it even matter? Who cares? Just go and do what you want. She's right, it's what you wanted to do since you got here." She shrugged, listening to the cougar in her head as she had the most inappropriate thoughts of Tavin. "Old Julia needs to get laid, ASAP."

"Are you serious? There's like three of you in there."

"Present and accounted for. My sister never left, just been dormant all this time and the old one jumped me from the great beyond. You're doing a number on her for some reason."

"It's the dick, Red."

"More than that, always was." She replied, setting her coffee down. She eyed the clock. "Gonna be late, handsome."

Julia lay on her hospital bed, waiting for the IV to finish. Jay arrived to silence. He reacted the same way he always reacted when she was angry with him, he waited her out. Silently wishing one of the others would at least speak to him. Were they all an angry red haired legion, bonded together over this? Jay waited out the IV by getting her things in a bag for her, packing up neatly. Once they IV came down, the nurse pulled the longest IV catheter he'd ever laid eyes on from her arm. She applied a dressing and told Julia to hold it for five minutes, then she could get dressed. "But leave the bandage in place, Julia." The ever happy blond nurse called as she left the room. Julia followed instructions, considering she didn't want to have any unnecessary bleeding a half hour before leaving the hospital. She dressed quietly in the bathroom and came out to toss clothes at him, which he folded neatly and placed in the top of her bag. She finally sat down, wrapped up her left ankle with her ace wraps.

"You gonna be mad all day?" He asked her. She didn't respond, which was a resounding yes to him.

Saying nothing was better than launching an all out rant at him. Silence said zero words. She totally lacked communication skills.

"Maybe all day...the rest of the year..." She finally said.

The nurse returned with her paperwork and she signed all the right places. She was given her script for the antibiotic that she would take four times a day for an entire month. A month...she tucked the script in her pocket and similar to the last time they were in the hospital, she didn't wait for transport, they walked out. He drove her to CVS where she put in the script to be filled and he had no money to pay for it.

"We'll be back." She said calmly to the cashier at the pharmacy. Such was the life of the unemployed. It was a couple hundred bucks to pay for the month's supply and Jay had no cash on him. No cards. Nothing. "Jayson." She said sweetly. "You gave all your money to Tav."

"How do you know?"

"Cause he told me when he visited me this morning before work. How are we paying for my pills, Jay?"

"I don't know. I didn't think about it."

"Ya serious?" She asked him with her sweetest voice. "You handed all the money over to Tavin."

"Yes,"

"So how are we paying for..." She took out her phone as they got to the car. "I'll call the husband that actually takes care of me." She said over the roof of the car to him.

"What did you just say?" He asked, looking like he'd just been hit. He felt that statement inside him somewhere deep. A place he couldn't explain if he tried to. He felt like leaping over the roof and putting hands around her neck. "Say that again. Please, cause I didn't quite hear you right."

"You heard me." She said in her sweet voice.

"I. Hate. You." He said very calmly. "I hate you, Julia." He opened the car door and he reached in the back seat and he threw the bag over the roof of the car at her. It hit her square in the chest. The ring he wore came off next. The anger and the rage kicked up inside him from the same place he felt that one sentence she said a moment ago. He regretted saying it as soon as it left his mouth, but he felt it. If he could put an emotion to how small and insignificant he felt, then hate would be the best description. He held back the other thoughts that ran through his head and he would never say those things aloud. He'd already said enough.

That was mean...She heard herself say in her head. Old Julia was not in favor of hurting Jayson. She caught the bag from falling and placed the strap over her shoulder. She looked at the ground where his band lay. "We don't take our rings off, Jay." She told him in her same sweet voice.

"Shove that ring up your ass." He got in the car and he locked it before she could open the door.

"Jayson." She whined, pulling on the door handle. He started the car, backed out of the parking space and he left her standing in the parking lot of the CVS. "Son of a bitch." She cussed into thin air.

She would have stomped, but her foot hurt.

His anger had been building from the day before in Philadelphia with Hayley.

Jay always tried to maintain a cool head, a sense of rational that most people didn't understand. He always, from the day he learned of the shooting years ago, tried to think through every thought and action everyone ever made. He read books, he looked on people as people and always found the good in someone. He always tried to be thoughtful of other's feelings and emotions, not letting the anger and the rage take over. He stayed sober because of it, didn't drink or self medicate. Every once in awhile, Julia got the best of him. Sometimes it was a look, a sound she made or sometimes the words she spoke.

Jody had never been on the receiving end of Julia and he had never planned on being run down by her either. He could sympathize, because he'd dealt with the most psychotic and unhinged part of the woman in Jersey, cold hearted and angry and downright despicably mean with words and actions and no one, not even Chess, her husband, the King himself, was permitted to overrule or go against the grain. When Julia spoke, it was. There was no question or room for objection. She meant every word and action and never took it back.

Jody had done a world of good, listening to him and calming him down. Thankfully for her, he got an earful and calmed Jay down before he got to throwing everything she owned out the front door to the lawn. Jay rarely got angry. If he did, Jody witnessed it only once. He'd sensed that vibe one other time, at the fortress the night he held a gun on her. He was highly emotional and whatever she had said to him or done to him in the dorms that night, he wasn't privy to. But he was unhinged and mean. The Jay across the counter from him had the exact same feel to him.

He had an unreal calm about him that Jody didn't like. He sensed the vibe, the energy coming off him, and it made him uneasy. "Yo, you're not gonna hurt her are you?"

"No." Jay answered. He admitted the strong desire to run her over with the car in the CVS parking lot and it took great restraint not to do so.

"Oh, know what the queen told me in the hospital yesterday? This may be helpful." Jody began his oration of how the Z virus acts on the human brain and then post infection can cause depression and even lead to psychosis.

"What are you fucking talking about? She's vaxxed."

"Julia's reaction may have started this whole depressive psychosis, grumpiness that Queen spoke of."

"Jody, this is the last time I will tell you this, so listen very closely."

"Alright."

"She was fuckin nuts before any virus."

Chess was at Home Depot when she called him from the CVS parking lot. He found this story of hers amusing as hell. What the hell did she expect Jayson to do or say when she said those words to him? "Babe, you verbally castrated him." He realized that Julia was not cut out for marriage or relationships. No matter how hard she tried, she always fell flat on her face and she never could keep her damn mouth shut. "I would have left you there too." He told her from his spot in line at Home Depot.

"Where are you?"

"Home Depot, buying paint and stuff on baby mama's list. I'll be there soon." He said to her as the cashier started scanning his items. "Hey, can I get some ass?" He asked on the off chance she was feeling charitable. The cashier eyed him. "Not from you, ma'am." Chess said toward the older lady in her orange smock. For a fleeting moment, he thought she was considering the request.

"Odds are not in your favor." Julia answered.

"Ah, odds are better with my lovely cashier." Chess winked. Women...

She had a lecture from Chess once he got to CVS. Not every guy could take an insult like that and bounce back. Not everyone was as seasoned as he. He could weather her mouth and her actions and rebound pretty quick, and for some unexplainable reason found it sexually appealing. But Jay was sensitive. He had no job, thanks to her and the money from the incidents could only stretch so far. He felt for his cousin. Jay was not a gangster, a killer, a dealer, a marine, a gun runner. He was filling Jody's spot till Jody felt better and Chess didn't even need him to do that. He didn't want to deal with Jody's thug ass relations. He hated them, too. They had Jay at the mention of the word blunt. He sat and bullshitted with these people, knew their true names, had a rapport. Jody never did that and neither did he. Jay friended them.

"Why would you ever say that? You can never take that back, ya know."

"He said he hates me. Threw his ring at me, Chess."

"Wouldn't be the first time one of your husbands did that." He shrugged, looking at her hand. She had at least left hers on, hadn't tossed it back at him. "There's only so much we can take, babe. Your mouth is-you can be so insulting sometimes."

He waited in line with her at the pharmacy counter and he refused to pay 200$ for her medicine, which he realized was a mistake on the part of the pharmacy and not the true cost. They had charged her for the medication without her insurance. Once remedied, the cost was 15$. Jayson could afford 15$ with the change he had on the floor in his old car.

He nearly pulled out 15$ and paid for the medicine. He told the pharmacy tech to hold the medicine in the bin and she would return for it. She was as confused as ever as to why he would suddenly hold off and make her leave the store. "There zombies in there or something?" She asked as he put his hands firmly on her shoulders and guided her out of the CVS.

"Nah, I can't do it."

"It's only 15$, Chess." She whined as he took her back to the spot he'd found her only 10 minutes prior.

"I know that, which is better than 200$." He took out his keys. "I can't though. What you did to Jayson is fucked up. I am on his side with this."

Instead of arguing, insulting or having a tantrum, this alliance in testosterone didn't surprise her in the least. She held the ring in her palm and she slid it over her finger and off her finger.

"Julia, swallow your pride. Do whatever you have to do to make this right."

"Yes, Chess. Thanks, Chess."

"I don't take care of you either. Money doesn't mean a damn thing when it comes to taking care of you. Actions, love of my fucking life, speak louder than words and dollars ever will."

"But, Chess, you've been doing that too."

"It's my damn responsibility, Julia. Ever think about that?"

"In what way-"

"At first, there was no way you could do it yourself. I thought it was the least I could do since it was me that started the crazy train rolling. I did certain things and Jay had the hard part of actually dealing with you. Then, thinking the end of the damn world was imminent, it was important to clean you up, or try to. Then you went and offed yourself and-"

"You rescinded. You are obligated to take care of me."

"Exactly. Whether he can or not. I have to make my damn self available to every single, solitary crisis or dilemma you have. It's more than marriage and friendship or owing you. All your problems become my problems. You, of all people, should understand this, because you created this little game in a fucking lab a year and a half ago."

"But it's give and take. It's all you giving right now, so what do I have to give back?"

"I don't freaking know. I haven't figured that out yet, but when I do, honey, you'll be the first to know." He raised his voice at her again. "Cooperation. How's that? Watch your damn mouth, babe." He pressed the button and unlocked the truck. Before he left her on the sidewalk outside the drug store, he debated handing her 15$.

He couldn't very well interfere with this. He'd be nuts if he did. He'd also piss his cousin off and have him redirect that anger toward him, only verifying what Julia had insinuated to him. He knew deep down that Julia was pissed off about Hayley and Shy. He knew that she hit him with that as a weak retaliation for the baby in Philadelphia.

Being that she was stubborn as ever she took a seat on the curb and took her punishment like a woman. She asked him for a cigarette and he handed her one, lit it for her. "I'm sorry."

"Apologize to me again and I will break your neck, Chester." She snapped at him. "I will say, husband, this is most sensible decision I have seen you make yet." She said, inhaling on the cigarette. "Give me another, then leave me." He handed over another as requested and pretended he didn't realize the switch off. He went about his way to the truck as she tucked the cigarette behind her ear. She left off a sarcastic little queen of England wave from the curb, more dismissal than goodbye. She had been left worse places than Maverick in a time without civil unrest. The dead do not walk the streets and there was not evil around every corner she turned. This was not New Jersey in thankfully what was a mild winter as her friend Mayers would say.

She sat on her curb like a queen on a throne and she absorbed the sun into her skin. She watched cars drive by and people come and go. So crowded the CVS in the late morning. She finished the smoke, which made her head slightly dizzy, then lit the next one off the cigarette she had just smoked before she got to her feet. It had been a very long time since she dealt with the immature table of hers, the generation that expected everything handed to them. Kids today do not value the...she remembered she was in her past and not at home. She summoned the young one, the one who could manage the discomfort of a healing injury and she directed that young one to walk the hell home.

As Julia walked, absorbing the pain in her leg, which was no where near the worst of the pain she had felt during this fracture and its healing process, old Julia gave them nuggets of truth and wisdom from all her 45 years on planet earth. "I take care of myself." She stated. "Repeat, ladies, I take care of myself." The youth of today was so used to having the world at their fingertips, being provided for and being taken care of. Yes, the two with whom she shared synapses had been in positions where they could take care of themselves and others on top of it. Why that hadn't rubbed off on them in real time was a mystery.

Chess had punished wifey, thereby punishing those who walked with her. The young one carried them home footstep after painful footstep. It took near an hour and the young one even had them off course a moment, making a turn down the wrong street near home. She'd led them astray only momentarily and she heard her ask, 'where is the house?'. Unfamiliar with Tavin's particular area of Maverick, her history a slight bit off than the history of the original Julia's, she stepped in and redirected. All the small streets in Tav's neighborhood looked alike and she knew where she was when Julia placed her on the proper street.

She was met with a bit of a cold shoulder. Testosterone had formed a united front. Nonetheless, she pushed through the door and through the house and to the second floor to the door-less room where Julia rummaged in the nightstand drawer for her debit card. Surely there was 15$ on there. There had to be. Money management was not her strong suit, especially when she used, but she had 15$. Then she spied the Percocet. Being that she had card in hand and a long walk back to the CVS, she took that baggy with the Percocet and she went into the bathroom where she took two of them down her throat with a handful of water. Since none of the men were willing to speak to her and she hadn't yet atoned for this sin, she went out the house the same way she entered and hoofed it back to CVS.

One small step for woman kind, Julia gave these girls a lecture on modern females. Not the modern female that walked among her, but modern female in terms of maturity that females like Julia, herself had grown into through a series of trial and error. We are not superior, we are not inferior. That being said, grow the hell up. Quit waiting on your man or men to come up with and direct your futures. You should know by now, after all that you have lived and endured, that the future is yours for the taking. Create it, ladies.

Opportunity lies all around us. Why wait for tomorrow what you can do or learn today? Chess has taught us a valuable lesson this afternoon. Normally she did not side with Chester Morgan. As times changed, the streets across the free states remained clear. Once that vaccination came to fruition, post clearing, and the wheels of semi-modern medicine started rolling, the free states gradually moved on from militaristic and guarded and without rule of law. New paths meant new ways and new ways meant a revolution in thought and ideas and advancements of the human race in a post rebellion-revolution era. Old school men and women had stagnated and stuck in their ways. The next gen had grown and matured enough to rally the strength to set them on a new path to reunification.

Women had more of a foot hold in that era, those who were strong and respected of the original generation, such as herself, were sought out and convinced to help change the direction of a nation. When there is no war, no risk, social issues and problems resurface and people start to feel entitlement all over again. Women's issues became a topic of much debate and women wanted back their rights, their rights as a female sex, their rights as humans, to be looked upon as equals. It was an ageless and timeless battle, one Julia thought most petty and unnecessary.

Women do not accept their fates and futures as directed and handed to them by their fathers. If women want their come uppance, then women must be educated. Beyond that of simplistic house chores. The rebellion-revolution era served at setting women back 100 years into their servant submissive roles.

"So what did you do to help?"

"Oh, dear, nothing spectacular, I wrote a book. My story, my beliefs, my opinions would not guide a generation of females to any glory. I felt it may inspire. Creating a future does not, in my view, include drawing a line between male and female, only encourage a mutual respect. That is all. I sought to inspire the young women to create their boundaries, set limits, and put some thought into their futures. Not as a whole, but individually." She explained. "Once the nonsense of distraction is removed, a female can focus. It does not matter the way a woman becomes great, but the plan she creates to make that happen. Women are, sometimes, only as strong as those men who surround her, and that is what we are surrounded by...men. They make or break us. Use them, but do not abuse them. Know your place in the world and then use it to your advantage."

"Choose the people."

"So to speak. The right people have to be chosen or it could be a disaster." She added. "Those who start off as the right people, they lose track along the way. Then, you must find new people. Currently your chosen person has lost his way, softened, has lost focus of our bigger picture. Suffice it to say, he is doing it with love and respect. It took years for him to get there, so he is ahead of the game on a conscious level, however it is too soon."

"You speak of Chess."

"I speak of Chester, yes. He never gave a fuck. Now he has many fucks to give, albeit he's giving the fucks to the right people and for all the right reasons. It is too soon for that."

"Chess is experiencing a revolution of feelings."

"What feelings? He has no feelings. He has no compassion or-"

"Ask her. I didn't spend the last year with him."

"Where did she come from anyway? I don't understand why she is involved with this or us? Who in the world is she?" Julia asked in reference to the young and happy one. Happiness, she who fills with light and has an affinity for pain, Julia had never come across this one. "I attempted to guide you, yet who is she?"

"My sister." Julia responded dryly. That had been the adage she'd been given when in company of others. There were obvious and slight differences physically between them. "My universal sister." She quipped, feeling that was more apropos a description. "She's Chess's girl. He replaced the love of his life with the love of his life and I consolidated the loves of his life into one tight and fit body thanks to klonipin and vodka."

She's from the flipside. We all have our flipside alternative persons, those who live equal and opposite in a different time and place. We have merged...transitioned, she thought...through our own independent actions, co-mingling, living in reality and the flipside, connecting to ourselves and creating a conundrum in the present. Blurred together, merged together and now all sentient in one tight and fit 17 year old body with the identification of a 22 year old. We have been poured into one cup by the universe, a mixed drink, fire engine red...all the same brew yet with a slightly different taste and quality and purity. One in the same and so very different, depending on who you ask.

She swiped the debit card, having interacted with the same pharmacy tech three times on one shift at the CVS. Julia Morgan's signature was scrawled on the card reader. Three separate names could have been written. Julia Fry, Julia Morgan, Julia Morgan-Keller. She chose the name on the debit card. We are and always will be Julia Morgan. Julia, she who despised her husband, yet never had the opportunity to divorce her husband, had made that name famous and infamous across the course of time.

She returned from her round trip from CVS. The trip took a lot less time and was much less painful thanks to the Percocet. She set her bag on the kitchen counter where he sat on the lap top. She took hold of his hand and she put his ring back on. He allowed her to do so, and when she didn't leave go of his hand, he let her hold onto it, she thought that was a good sign. He tugged at her, guiding her to the counter stool next to him and sat her down.

She had put herself in a spot without the help of any substance. She could fuck up sober too and jealousy, as she had informed Chess not too long ago, was a strong emotion. The very mention of Hayley Bond and Shy had drop kicked her back to a farm house and that rage and betrayal was revisited all over again. Although circumstances of this conception were slightly askew from the original circumstances of conception, it hurt the same.

"We could have figured this out. You didn't give me time to." He replied so calm and easy. No anger, no sadness, no hate. He'd spent the entire time she was out trying to figure out why she had said that to him.

"I didn't mean it the way it sounded, if that makes sense." She needed to cover the problem of the day, resolve the issue that had sparked this animosity. "There's certain things Chess does for me and there's certain things you do for me."

"You." He stated. "Are not married to Chess, Julia."

"Understood." She nodded in agreement. "I get that. Totally. Yeah," She replied. "It's cause of Hannah, you know."

"I figured as much." He didn't want to spark that conversation again. He felt as though he'd explained his side of the story and made it very simple for her. "Nothing to be jealous or angry about though, Julia. I did not put her between us. She was a non issue. I haven't fucked around on you. I didn't and I don't plan on it." He paused. "And for future reference, if you're mad, then just say why and we'll deal with it. Don't do dumb shit and say dumb shit to hurt me."

"Did we make a mistake here? It was rather impulsive and-" She answered, looking at her ring on her finger.

"No." He replied before she could manage to find a hundred reasons to justify why they should have thought better of putting rings on each other's hands. "You are not and never have been what I consider a mistake." She always felt so consumed and guilty for everything she'd done. "Bigger picture. This isn't working for any of us. We're all doing shit none of us wants to do, so what do we want to do?" She opened her mouth to speak, then held back. He observed that and discouraged it. "Julia, what?"

She hummed under her breath and hesitated to say it. It was so negative and so harsh and so equally opposite of what he'd want to hear from her. He laughed at her hesitance, because the first thing that came to her mind was disturbing, but made her feel so damn alive and purposeful.

"What the hell is it? Jules, what would make you happy?" He sounded insistent and he didn't intend on budging till he got an answer from her.

How the comment she made placed her in a conversation about happiness confused her. Ultimately one off handed, inappropriate comment led them to a conversation about the lack of direction in their life. She lacked any specific goals, but inwardly knew what she wanted to do. Putting it into words in the context of reality and forming a plan of action was the issue.

Julia pointed at the lap top, tapped the word 'Philadelphia' into the google search engine, then tapped 'images'. Hundreds of pictures then appeared on the screen, living and dead, dark streets and mobs of people who had armed. "I want to be in the middle of that." She whispered, pointing at the screen. "All the time, Jayson. That's what I wanna do." She clicked on a picture, which took her to an article about the Killadelphia incident. "I want to be immersed in chaos." She said, clicking on the arrow to play the video that someone had filmed that night. "This makes sense to me."

Jay slid his cell phone across the counter and set it in front of her. "Julia," He was tired of going over this. He was tired of watching her lost and confused and unsure. He opened the contact list to Fields' name. "Get a fucking job then."

"What's one thing have to do with the other?"

"It all connects, Julia."

"I cannot do what I do here and now."

"Yes, you can."

"I don't trust these people. I do not trust her."

"Maybe you should start to trust someone. She helped you. She was the one who found us the people we needed to talk to. Think about it."

"I do trust people, Jay. Not everybody, but I do trust people."

"I didn't have a chance today, Julia. Do you trust anyone other than Chess?"

"Yes."

"Not today. I didn't even have a chance to figure it out today, babe."

"Was a bitch move to make, I admit. Wanna know why? Cause he explained it to me, Jayson."

"So he did go there and he-"

"He left me there too. He agreed with you. But he explained why I call him and-" She quieted with that, slipping and letting him know too much. "The women in my head agree with you and apparently so does everyone else and that is fine, because I was wrong."

"He explained-"

"He explained why I was wrong, yes." Back peddling her statement, diverting him from him from her statement's original meaning. "I was mean and I was out of line."

"Out of line, were you? Is that him saying that or you?"

"I apologize. Not very kind of me, so I am sorry."

"I don't hate you either. I'm sorry I said that, but imagine the things I held back."

"Yep." She smiled. "But you got every right to be mad at me, baby." She looked at the clock and smiled. "Got at least an hour before this house starts filling up, you know."

"So what?"

She slid off the stool to her feet, "Look, I am no good at lame apologies and swallowing my pride is just off the table. On the other hand, I am an expert at swallowing other things. Wouldn't you agree?" She placed her hands on his knees, then moved them up his thighs slowly.

"Well, I won't turn you down. But is this how you plan on fixing things between us all the time?"

"Probably, Jay." She started tugging at the waist of his jeans. "That a problem?"

"What about when we're old? Around 80 and still fighting?" He adjusted on the seat and left her unbutton and unzip easier.

"She's screaming at me." Julia backed off him.

He looked around them, they were still alone and he heard no one. "Who?"

"Damn woman." Julia mumbled. "We have a problem." She added, folding her arms across her chest. "She says no."

"Who?"

"Julia." She answered, shaking her head.

"Over ride her."

"Can't do that, Jay."

"Why?" He whined, looking most disappointed as he slid to his own feet. He zipped and buttoned his jeans and put his hands on her waist. "Why?"

"Cause," She listened to the voice in her head, sighing deeply, laughing slightly. "She can't."

"What?"

"Damn woman." She said under her breath.

"I'm her Jayson, though. She was like crying on me for an hour a few days ago. What-"

"Awe, that...she says it is not in the cards." She paused. "Oh, come on...I can't do that. I-" She looked at Jay. "She's a bit panicked."

"But why? I don't understand."

Julia's face went blank a moment, flattening and lost expression. She then looked at him teary eyed and nervous. "I said no." She wiggled her hips from the grip his hands had on her and moved away from him. "No." She pointed at him. "No." She raised her voice to him.

"Ok, Ok, what is wrong with you? I don't want you either, if it's any consolation." Jay raised his hands for her. "Hey, just bring back my girl and-"

"No, majority rules here."

"Fuck that. Julia. What majority?"

"Is the young one a virgin?"

"Hell, no." Jay answered. "None of you women are." He watched as she listened. Were they arguing amongst themselves?

"We haven't discussed this yet."

"Oh, my God." Jay groaned.

"I don't just go to bed with men anymore."

"I'm-me? I'm me. I had all of you first. It's kind of a universal thing we do, Julia."

"NO!" She shouted. The frustration was clear on her face at this point. She blushed, her face turning a light red. "Jay, you promised me you wouldn't speak of that. You explained it so it made sense and now you're changing your mind." She put her hands on her hips and looked every bit as young as she was inside the right body. Mannerisms, tone of voice, even her foot tapping on the linoleum. "Why would you bring me into this? It's between them, Jayson, and now they know. What if they tell Chess?" She looked just fine as she paced the floor, anxious and nervous and visibly afraid. She didn't want Chess hurt. Not because of her. "I should have been honest when we talked about it. Instead, I let him think...He's going to be so upset, Jayson."

"Uh, you never cheated on him." Jayson said, shrugging his shoulders. "We talked about this. Jules, they won't say anything to him."

"Sister will. Sister tells him everything. She's got a huge mouth, Jayson."

"Not if I ask her to keep it between us. She's cool. She kinda already knows."

"Jay, I am so upset right now. He's going to be so upset with me. I always felt guilty, you know, letting him believe I wasn't like her. He wanted it so badly and I let him believe it."

"You're nothing like her."

"I knew it, Jayson. Shoulda just been honest with me. What's the big deal?"

"Is there a medication for this?" He asked sarcastically. "Seriously, because the three of you...babe, please, I can't do this. Pick a personality and let's start all over."

"Old one's not giving you the green light."

"What for? I mean I am kind of a big deal. I thought she'd be happier to see me."

"Jay, not funny. She's on a rant about New Jersey."

"What about-I am so tired of hearing about New Jersey." He complained, moving around her and her personalities.

"Where are you going?"

"The bathroom. Leave me alone." He stomped away and upstairs, leaving the legion at the counter.